Research And Planning - Treatment Of Proposal One

I have been told to make some adjustments to my chosen proposal, you can see these changes below-

There is a young male who is popular at school, well liked, captain of the football team and seems untouchable. he has a close relationship with his younger sister. The male falls in love with a girl whom he goes to school with, and his sister finds herself being put second best. She constantly asks her brother to go out with her and do things the two usually do, however, he ignores her completely. This begins to create tension between the siblings, as their once strong relationship begins to break down. His sister begins to get extremley depressed, and as he realises he may have caused this, it puts a strain on the couples relationship- the story mainly follows the couple as they try to work together on rebuilding their relationship as well as the male and his sisters, although the two girls do not get on.

I have changed this proposal by making it less specific, so that issues such as casting are easier to overcome, and it will be easier to change things last minute if we so wish to. I have removed how the younger sibling commits suicide and have kept it as she gets unhappy and the story follows the couple trying to get over the tension this creates, as the little sister blames her brothers girlfriend for their shattered relationship. By taking this out it is more suitable for any audiences, and so this makes the trailer more simplistic and less harrowing to not only create but watch, meaning it would hopefully reach a wider audience.